we’re living in the age of the TMI internet and every area of the zeitgeist is capitalizing on it:

visible undergarments are back in style!
the pop girlies are singing about getting wet!
erotic literature is mainstream!
there’s a thong with a full bush on it, now!

even social media trends like “unfortunately I…” follow suit, giving us the invitation to expose weird bits of ourselves in search of samesies. (the sheer quantity of “I like a cheeky cigarette after a few drinks” confessions within this trend alone could be a whole separate article. samesies, for the record.)

right now, intimacy is the expectation.

audiences are craving more honesty while leaders are looking for an excuse to let it all hang out. but as a creator, that can be… complicated.

it’s easy to fake intimacy, revealing random shit about yourself here and there, calling it a connection, but most of this is content is just performed transparency: voyeuristic styles like the “get ready with me” and “day in my life” of it all, the ME ME ME of sharing that’s really just an excuse to get the truth of being ourselves off our chest (or at least, what we want people to believe that truth to be).

if you think about “intimacy” in it’s most commonly used sense, tied to dating or friendship, you don’t walk into dinner with someone for the first time and pour your every feeling out on the table. narrate what you had for lunch. demand their attention, primp in the mirror while they watch, ask them to pay the cheque and then walk away.

I’ve seen online intimacy done really well in the form of:

• talking head content filmed with zero glam/zero ring light, or a vlog that you didn’t tidy up for first (even doing the tidying live on camera!) suggests a willingness to be seen in the basicness of being. this style of video, where it’s just a simple moment where you really feel like a fly on the wall does the job, too.
• showing behind the scenes not just of your day but of your brain, through screenshots of your notes app, text messages with friends, or even work-related stuff like this — but pleaseeee use the real thing, because tons of templates are staging this shit now.
• handwritten elements are all the rage right now, but I challenge you to show your own handwriting, not a purchased font (I’m actively working on trying to figure out how to actually do this in my own graphics so if you have some tech suggestions HMU).
• this one is really simple, but sharing content a litttttle bit closer to when it actually happened goes such a long fucking way, with this. OR! crazy idea! just being HONEST about when the content was experienced vs. posted in the first place. I love a post like this that reminds us all of the farce that is content production. if you filmed the event last night, say “the event last night.” just because you filmed in the moment doesn’t mean you have to pretend we’re still living in it.

but even with all of these, we’re only getting half the story: in a relational setting, there’s an expectation that intimacy is two-way.

as we seek to create more intimacy in our spaces, it’s not just about inviting them into our worlds with fewer smokescreens — it’s about making an effort to understand them, as we do.

001 / invite folks in to make decisions with you

honestly, I fucking suck at this one. I make decisions quickly and without counsel, most of the time. but I’ve been thinking a lot about why that is, and if it suggests a layer of distrust, or hyper-independence, I’m keen to move through it. a reminder for me (and for you, if you struggle with this, too): co-creation and crowd-sourcing aren’t the same thing. we can listen to feedback from our community and still be seen as leaders.

002 / read the room and respond to it

duh, but also not: we’ve divided our time spent online into two categories: consumption x production. this requires a secret third thing, though. reflection. the practice of actually processing what you’re taking in and then turning it into something that contributes. when you’re scrolling next, set aside even 5 minutes after to just sit in what you’ve seen. how are people feeling? what would it look like to create something that meets them exactly there?

003 / call specific folks into conversation

isn’t it interesting how in real time communication — whether it’s a zoom call or over coffee — we cite our sources incessantly? I can’t go more than a few minutes without naming someone who influenced my thought process or a quote I heard somewhere recently. we are in a constant game of telephone and yet online, especially in shorter-form spaces, where is that? one of the reasons why I’ve been feeling so drawn to Substack and TikTok lately is because of the continued conversations (but Notes is weak for this and I’d argue Threads has one up on both of ‘em, despite IG being firmly in last place). if we want two way intimacy, we need two-way dialogue. in even one piece of content this week, I invite you to continue someone else’s conversation through your own content — and for fuck’s sake, tag them.

while the online space can feel jarringly lonely, we’re the opposite of alone out here.

let’s promise to start acting like it?

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